18 months on – Light at the end of the tunnel

Receiving a comment on my last post inspired me to write an update. I know not many people will read this but those who have read my few posts my find it helpful; there is light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. It’s been almost 18 months since my last post and my life has changed dramatically since then. Since then I have experienced the worst time of my life and the most hopeful.

Anyone who read my posts and suspected another woman was involved: you were right. It’s the age-old shitty story of the husband having an affair and the wife refusing to listen to what her gut is screaming at her, “HE’S HAVING AN AFFAIR! FFS WOMAN, LISTEN TO ME!” But like thousands of woman before me, I didn’t listen. I didn’t confront this awful truth until it became so obvious that it was impossible to ignore. I went to the house where he was staying and confronted them. They immediately admitted they were together, and had been for three years! The horrific knowledge of this was a low point in my life. He had been having an affair from about six months after we got married, through a whole year of actively trying for our baby, through my pregnancy, and while I lay dying, with two-thirds of blood pouring out of me, during an emergency c-section, he had been thinking about (and shagging) someone else. This is why I stopped posting. I was completely crushed, devastated, humiliated and embarrassed. I couldn’t face anyone. I stayed off work for eight weeks.

Since then, life dealing with that scumbag has been difficult. There are so many things I’ve dealt with but I feel they deserve their own post. Things like; child maintenance, him letting us down last minute all the time, him refusing to have his son overnight because he cries, taking me to court because I wouldn’t agree to this, seeing him get looked at like a complete idiot in court and trying not to let him walk all over us and treat his son like he is some toy or possession.

However, since the absolute low of discovering who he really is, my life has changed and improved dramatically. The changes started as soon as I went back to work. I went back part-time. Three days a week was a big relief, that was the first thing I was thankful for. Through the hardship of not having him around for chunks at a time and having to do everything myself I have definitely become a stronger person. I don’t rely on anyone except myself.

This September I will not be returning to the classroom. As it turned out even three days was too difficult to manage as a single mother. I’m planning on re-training in another field. I can’t wait to learn something new and once again feel like life is full of opportunities. I’ve lost weight, I eat better, I sleep better, I exercise and I’m a good mum. I put us first.

I’m no longer trying to support two children.

When I think that I could still be with that low-life with dreams of a nice holiday every three years, working my arse off to support him and putting up with his shit I vomit a bit in my mouth. Instead, I intend to expand my mind, my life and my opportunities. I’m out to get what I can and experience new things.

The world is my oyster. The possibilities are endless. I’m excited about my unplanned future.