Thursday night was our work night out and I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks. I’m not really sure why. I mentioned last time that I had a complete new outfit and I was definitely looking forward to getting all glammed up. I think more than anything I wanted my husband, Barry, to see me and … be jealous? remember why he liked me? I’m not sure.
The day before Barry had arrived in the morning to take Hector to nursery. “I’ll see you tonight” I said as I left for work. “I won’t be here tonight, I’m here tomorrow” he replied. “Oh, OK” I say as I drive off, absolutely stunned. Barry always stays with the baby on a Wednesday night and then has him on a Thursday. He had decided that he wouldn’t do that this week just because I was going out. I drove to work with the rage building up inside me. How dare he? I text him “I didn’t realize you were only allowed to spend one night a week with your son!” I was fuming. He had only had him one night the week before as well. He text saying he had made plans. I told him he was seeing Hector less and less and he insisted that he wasn’t. I was angry all day.
Thursday arrived and I went and had my hair done before coming home to Hector and Barry for tea. While he was looking after the baby I did all make-up etc. I didn’t want to put my dress on before Hector was asleep, which is usually about seven, because I had a feeling I might be needed. The baby was exhausted so Barry took him up with his bed-time bottle, and then Hector started screaming. “Hand him over.” I said. As soon as I had him he took his bottle and immediately fell asleep. I quickly went to put my dress on and found Barry having a little lie down on my bed, which I found rather annoying.
When I appeared in my outfit I could see him eyeing me and he asked
“Nice” he mumbled.
The girls arrived to pick me up and I left the house in a swirl of smiles and perfume. “Have a good night” I hear him say as I close the door. I told him I’d see him later, knowing I had no intention of returning home. I’d asked my mum to leave a nightie in her spare room for me.
The night consisted of cocktails, tequila, sambuca, a dance-off and a tiny bit of flirting. It was fun, and good to feel attractive again. However, I ended up having to tell more people about Barry leaving because they were asking how he was, if we were planning more babies etc. One friend who has been on maternity said “Oh I hate him! He can’t just do that! He has a family, he has to stay and work through it.” But the sad truth is is that he can do just that. There are no locks, no bars on the windows keeping him here. He’s a man, and can do as he pleases. What I still find shocking is how often it happens. My hairdresser was telling me how her husband left her with her three week old daughter! He came down the stairs with a packed bag: “I’m off to look after number one.”
“This is number one here” she says, referring to her babe-in-arms.
He repeats “I’m off to look after number one” and leaves.
Her pregnant friend’s husband was raging – “How dare he do that to you! That’s disgusting!” A couple of months after his own baby is born he leaves and goes to live in Magaluf! He sees his child each winter.
The thing is, I’m really worried that Hector is growing up and changing every day and Barry is missing it all. He is beginning to know his son less and less. When I settled the baby on Thursday I handed Barry the bottle and he put in on the dresser as he left. I asked him why he was leaving it there and he said in case the bay wakes up in the next half hour for the rest. “He won’t” I said, thinking, you should know that. On Sunday afternoon he picked him up to go out for a couple of hours and Hector screamed because he was leaving me. This is also a new development. Maybe he senses that daddy doesn’t know what he likes any more. I know that Barry loves us and he’s going through some kind of mental crisis but he is missing out on so much.
Last night Hector fell asleep in my arms and I sat watching his beautiful, angelic face. I felt a rush of overwhelming love, maybe even more so now that we are on our own. It’s me and Hector versus the world. An unstoppable force. I would never want to miss one precious moment with him. How can Barry give this up? What a silly, silly man.